Waiting

Those two weeks were two of the hardest of my life.  Not knowing what was going on.  Waiting to see if I was going to start having symptoms of a miscarriage.  Up to that point I hadn't had any previous signs, but never experiencing something like that, how would you know what it felt like?   Spending countless hours on the internet trying to figure out what was going on.  If I wouldn't have had the support of my husband I don't know what I would have done.  All of the experiences we have faced together had made us grow so close over the last year.  He was always so optimistic, telling me that everything was going to be okay. 

The second week was the hardest.  It seemed that the days would creep by.  All I wanted was for our doctors appointment to get here!  I would try to redirect my focus on doing other things, but it was always on my mind.  

On the morning of our doctors visit I was a nervous wreck.  As we were driving we neither one spoke, just held each others hands.  I was trying to hold back tears as I watch the cars pass by us on the interstate.  I was trying to prepare myself for the worst, but mentally I just couldn't grasp it.  When they called us back my heart was going a hundred miles an hour.  It didn't matter if I was ready or not the time had come for us to find out one way or the other.  

When the doctor put the ultrasound up to my belly I remember holding my breathe.  I just couldn't breath until I knew one way or the other.  I was praying to God to let us hear or see something.  After a few seconds we heard what we had been longing for, a heartbeat.  It was hard to make the baby out, but they knew it was in there and that was all that mattered.  Our prayers had been answered, there was our baby, our little peanut.